A lovely thing happened on twitter a week or so ago. A very special blogging friend mentioned that she was going to nominate my blog for the MADs. I never ever thought that would happen, and it got me thinking. I’m not sure what category my blog would fit in. Unless there’s a “most neglected blog” option perhaps! I have been rather quiet on here recently, though I’ve had plenty I could have been writing about. I have hundreds of photos of the children doing wonderful, creative things, and I should blog them but I’ve been finding it really hard to do. I need to get back into a blogging routine, and I’m sure I will, but I think I need to deal with what’s been stopping me first.
This blog has been, from the start, mainly about the children. I love having it as a record of our family life and our home education, but there has been something missing. It hasn’t really been about me, and I’ve suddenly realised the significance of that. My life hasn’t really been about me for a long time, and I think that needs to change. I have tried to put other people first and keep myself in the background. I think that’s ok up to a point, but I need to fit myself in somewhere.
So this is me. In the words of my lovely husband “a bit loopy”, and I can’t say I disagree. Struggling again with depression and anxiety, which has come and gone over the years but never left me. Often found on twitter at 2am hanging out with fellow insomniacs. Some days just getting through the day. Other days feeling impossibly lucky and loved. I have a wonderful and endlessly patient husband, four funny and lovely children and some truly amazing friends.
Today is my birthday, and this post is my present to myself. I’m reclaiming my blog, and I hope normal service will now resume, though it might be a new normal. I can’t finish this without a mention for the people who have made it possible for me to get to this point. Paul, thank you for putting up with me. I’ve no idea how you do it but long may it continue! Sarah, thank you for picking up the pieces every time I fall apart, and I will try to stop doing that every day so you can have a bit of a break. You are always there for me and I know how lucky I am. Merry and Jennie, thank you both for being lovely and helping me more than you know. And as for the MADs, I’m not kidding myself that I will be there, but Merry thank you for making me love my blog again.
This is me. And I think I will be ok.